BBC
Every year the BBC takes hundreds of people to Glastonbury festival and then films them all having a good time at the expense of all the people who couldn’t get tickets.

Worthy farm
Where they grow Worthy’s Originals.

Eavis
Vehicle hire company used for transporting equipment.

Roadie
Lane leading to the Festival area.

Gatecrasher
Not concentrating hard enough when turning off the roadie.

Fence
Someone selling stolen tickets.

Mean Fiddler
The fence won’t pay you much money.

Headliner
Artistic over use of eyeliner as face paint.

Support act
Be in favour of free love.

Ley lines
See support act.

Wellies
See support act.

Novelty act
Sex in wellies.

Festival goer
Promiscuous visitor.

Field
What the Festival goer has been.

Grass
When your kid tells your partner you’re having a crafty joint.

Mud
1970s pop band whose platform soles were even better than wellies.

Glamping
Table tennis played in platform soles.

Cabaret tent
It’s a real song and dance putting it up.

Comedy tent
They bought it the day before and lost the instructions in the mud so had no idea how to put it up.

Underground music
The Wombles. They played Glastonbury.

Hippy
When someone is pleased being filthy and smelly.

Conclusion
You arrive home with athlete’s foot after too long in rubber footwear, braided hair that looks stupid in your work clothes, and henna tattoos of misspelled Sanskrit slogans that’ll take a month to fade. Unless you work for the BBC, in which case the main thing you arrive home to is an enormous paycheque for overtime.