Origins
Promiscuous trilobite 500 million years ago.

The Beagle
The voyage took five years, as dogs are not good at swimming long distances.

Galapagos Tortoise
Even this would have been quicker.

Natural Selection
Being picked for the voyage on the Beagle because you’re a good sailor.

Artificial selection
Getting a friend to put a good word in.

Sexual selection
Sleeping with the Captain.

Naturalist
Darwin often worked in the nude.

Finches
Darwin’s breakthrough. The word is so close to “fishes” that he deduced one evolved from the other.

Evolutionary Tree
Started out as a stinging nettle.

Apes
Person who copied his theory.

Breeding
Darwin’s father was a top doctor.

Fossils
Dusty old academics who disapproved of his theories.

Down House
He moved here when he was depressed by all the criticism.

Barnacles
Cry of anguish at all the criticism. Later used by Captain Haddock in the Tintin books in “blistering barnacles”, a clear example of evolution.

Evolution
Process by which the Scots and Welsh are now considered intelligent enough to have their own parliaments.

Field notes
He noted they were often flat with lots of grass.

Patagonia
Womble. Thought to have evolved from Bulgaria.

Marry, not marry
His list of the pros and cons of marriage. The cons contained: “could evolve into her mother”.

Seedlings
Affectionate term for his children.

Orchids
How he described his family to Geordies.

Divine design
Did the interiors on the Beagle.

Intelligent design
Theory that claims someone really meant to create diseases and wasps, and to put funny bones on elbows where they hurt a lot.

Social Darwinism
Sharing a curry after growing another limb.

Conclusion
Evolution continues, except in certain states of the USA.