Alfred the Great

Origins
Alfred’s mother was called Osburga. But then she was around before make-up had been invented.

Ethelwulf
His dad. His brothers were Ethelbald, Ethelbert, and Ethelred.

Sent to Rome
He laughed at their names (Coventry hadn’t been founded).

Pope Leo IV
While he was there he was recognised by the Pope, who said, “I know you. I’ve seen you on a coin”.

Reading
Alfred was the first of his brothers to learn to read, so he always had to tell them what was in the Anglo Saxon Chronicle that morning.

Cakes
Domestic science was more problematic. Alfred was always burning things. His mother’s cries of “Alfred – the grate!” led to his nickname.

Mercia
What people would say when Alfred insisted they try his scones.

Ealswith
His wife. They had seafood at the reception.

Danelaw
The wife’s mother.

Viking invaders
When they heard that the kingdom was full of Ethels, they couldn’t resist.

Split
Alfred’s response was to put all the Ethels in one half of the country and retreat to the other. One of them failed to pack in time. This was Ethelred the Unready.

Royal Navy
He invented this to chase Viking longships away. Previously his sailors had all sunk.

Law
Alfred was the first person to write legal stuff down. Then he put it in a plastic envelope and affixed it to the Danes’ windscreens.

Shires
Alfred is said to have invented these as well. Beforehand it either rained or it didn’t.

Conclusion
The Royal Family is directly descended from Alfred the Great. This is why they never cook for themselves.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Not FOR beginners, but BY beginners…

%d bloggers like this: