Alfred the Great

Alfred’s mother was called Osburga. But then she was around before make-up had been invented.

His dad. His brothers were Ethelbald, Ethelbert, and Ethelred.

Sent to Rome
He laughed at their names (Coventry hadn’t been founded).

Pope Leo IV
While he was there he was recognised by the Pope, who said, “I know you. I’ve seen you on a coin”.

Alfred was the first of his brothers to learn to read, so he always had to tell them what was in the Anglo Saxon Chronicle that morning.

Domestic science was more problematic. Alfred was always burning things. His mother’s cries of “Alfred – the grate!” led to his nickname.

What people would say when Alfred insisted they try his scones.

His wife. They had seafood at the reception.

The wife’s mother.

Viking invaders
When they heard that the kingdom was full of Ethels, they couldn’t resist.

Alfred’s response was to put all the Ethels in one half of the country and retreat to the other. One of them failed to pack in time. This was Ethelred the Unready.

Royal Navy
He invented this to chase Viking longships away. Previously his sailors had all sunk.

Alfred was the first person to write legal stuff down. Then he put it in a plastic envelope and affixed it to the Danes’ windscreens.

Alfred is said to have invented these as well. Beforehand it either rained or it didn’t.

The Royal Family is directly descended from Alfred the Great. This is why they never cook for themselves.


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