Rugby Football

Origins
During the Eton Wall game in 1822, the team from Rugby, who were Tom Brown’s Schoolmates, got tired of trying to kick the ball and picked it up and ran away. The Wall Game has continued for the last 183 years without anyone realising there is neither a ball nor an opposing team.

William Webb Foot
A famous player at Rugby School who had a distinct advantage in the wet.

Flashman
Another of Tom Brown’s schoolmates, he pioneered the wearing of particularly short shorts. This led to several key elements of the modern game.

Haka
Traditional Maori way of adjusting shorts prior to the kick-off.

Swing low, sweet chariot
Traditional English way of adjusting shorts.

Ruck
Getting your shorts in an uncomfortable position.

Scrummage
Old shorts donated by former rugby players.

Six Nations
The only countries in the northern hemisphere that can understand the game.

Sir Clive Woodward
Everyone laughed when he invented the personal electric car, but it is now used as regular transport to and from hospital appointments by Jonny Wilkinson.

Rolling Maul
Rugby player who uses a light-sabre to evade tackles.

Sin Bin
Rugby playing Belgian cartoon character.

Tight-head prop
Player who has been to the pub before the game.

Running up the wing
What a particularly tight player might do on an aeroplane.

Pack
Squeezing oneself into shorts that are far too small.

Number 8
Perfume that smells of sweat, liniment, and mud.

Seven-a-side
Result of a particularly violent game.

Conclusion
Rugby is a game whose rules are too complex to be understood, and so are generally ignored unless the game is televised, when former players are forced to make up a plausible scenario to explain the carnage on the pitch.

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Not FOR beginners, but BY beginners…

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