Origins
Gregor Mendel spent years persuading peas to mate selectively. It was the most fun one monk could have in a cell.

Genome
Genetic instruction to be a midget.

Chromosome
Genetic instruction to be shiny.

Gastronome
Genetic instruction to eat pan-fried bruschetta.

Amino acid
Gastronomes are prone to this stomach condition.

Base pair
Crick and Watson, an academic double act who gave everyone a laugh with their hilarious idea about the structure of DNA.

Biochemistry
You need to inherit some intelligence to be any good at this.

Genetic code
Essential to get into the biochemistry lab.

Genetic fingerprint
Found on dirty test tubes.

Gene pool
Only the best biochemistry labs have one.

Bioinformatics
Technique used to find out if that good-looking molecular biologist likes you.

DNA profiling
A scientists entry on a lonely hearts website.

Inheritance
A big one makes you more attractive.

Heredity
King of Judea whose parents passed on a tendency to slaughter innocents.

Heritability
Tendency of posh people to get annoyed easily.

Gene Pitney
He took after his mother.

Selective breeding
Geneticists often prefer to go out with each other.

XX
What they put at the end of love letters.

XY
Dyslexic geneticists.

XXXX
Lager-drinking geneticists.

Double helix
Cocktail-drinking geneticists.

Replication
Result of a bond between two geneticists.

Sequence
A whole family of them.

Cloner
Geneticist with no partner.

Conclusion
Incredibly, we share 61 per cent of our DNA with fruit flies, 98 per cent with chimps, and 99.9 per cent with Jade Goody.