Mozart

Early talent
He was known for playing the piano as early as five, which tended to wake his neighbours up.

Wolfgang
…as well as the local canine population.

Prodigy
Not known for covering Mozart tunes, although “Eine Kleine Firestarter” shows some similarities.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
Even the music he wrote in the middle of the night was irritating.

Amadeus
Film about Mozart’s life in which he is told he plays too many notes. The person telling him is the noise abatement officer.

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik
Austrian for “Why’s that idiot playing music in the middle of the night?!”.

Cosi fan tutte
Salzburg version of the Cosa Nostra, of which Don Giovanni was the head. Called in by Mozart’s neighbours.

Conductor and soloist
Mozart was both, which meant he had to rush about the place until he managed to invent the Magic Flute, which played itself.

Masses
He wrote loads.

Salieri
What Mozart was paid.

Kochel catalogue
Mozart often became hungry overhight, but Salzburg didn’t have pizza delivery. It did, though, have Austrian seafood (“kochel”) delivery.

Freemason
Another catalogue used by the composer, but this time for underwear, pyjamas, and labour-saving schnitzel-makers.

Begging letters
Mozart was famous for these. They all read something like: “Dear Sir. Please stop that racket! We need some sleep.”

Travelling
Mozart moved around Europe a lot during his life. Normally just ahead of an angry, sleep deprived mob.

K9
Mozart’s dog.

Conclusion
He died mysteriously while he was working on his Requiem. In fact, it’s not mysterious at all. His neighbours just caught up with him.

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