Police, The

Founded by Sir Robert Peel when he needed directions to Mayfair, the correct time, and a knee-jerk solution to rampant gun-crime.

The first officers got this nickname because they used to carry bananas during truncheon shortages.

Bow Street Runners
They were out in all weathers without a proper uniform and caught a lot of colds.

Their short socks were particularly chilly.

Police boxes
Before the advent of patrol cars, investigating officers would arrive by post.

Desk Sergeant
Officer in the furniture squad.

Vice Squad
Part of the furniture squad. Often seen with the Wood Squad, the Saw Squad, and the Hammer and Nails Squad.

The Met
Weather Squad.

Fraud Squad
No one believes their evidence.

Evidence from the fraud squad.

“Hello, hello, hello”
Officer arresting a Triad.

River Police
Cushy job. No river has been stolen since unscrupulous door-to-door salespeople found it was impossible to offload the Avon at any price.

Traffic Police
Officers smuggled across borders.

Secret Police

Warrant card
Roguish officer with the right to enter your premises.

Beat bobby
Officer with a ghetto blaster.

Whitehall 1212
Dance favoured by beat bobbies.

Police line-up
Sting is the one generally identified as the criminal.

Arresting officer
Tall and good-looking male inspector.

Police siren
Good-looking female officer.

What the two of them get when they’re on patrol.

Female officers’ loo.

Riot gear
Simply outrageous uniforms, darling. Often worn by arresting officers.

German policeman.

Spanish policeman.

Sniffer dog
Canine policeman with a cold.

Interview terminated at 16.04 precisely.

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