Custer, General

Battle of the Little Big Horn
Caused by the Indians casting aspersions on Custer’s sexual organs.

Big Chief
What Custer wasn’t.

Yellow Hair
Custer had his hair coloured bright blond to make sure he stood out. He did and got shot.

Indian reservation
What you had to make to be sure you’d get the battle you wanted.

Indian scouts
Custer used these, leading to the deaths of many well-meaning 14-year-olds in woggles. The fact that they earned a Being Scalped badge was little recompense.

Crazy Horse
It thought it was a duck.

Wardance
Prior to the battle, Custer’s men tried to scare the Indians off by mounting an entertainment based on traditional Irish music.

Pipes of peace
The Indians countered mercilessly with records from Paul McCartney’s solo career.

Apache
Custer replied desperately with instrumentals by The Shadows.

Tepee
Sound made by Indians laughing at Custer’s yellow hair.

Pow Wow
Subtitles featured in the 1960s television series of the battle featuring Batman, Robin, and the Heap Big Riddler.

Moccasins
While Custer dressed in yellow suede, the Indians were so poor they couldn’t afford real asins.

Seventh Cavalry
Custer’s men. The first six had taken one look at his hair and scarpered .

Tomahawk
One reason the Indians won was their use of early cruise missile technology.

Last stand
What the Indians stored their moccasin leather on.

War Cry
Religious newspaper featuring the first reports of the battle.

Conclusion
Custer is now seen as a symbol of oppression of native Americans. And of the stupidity of blonds.

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