Bathrooms were invented when showers began to take over from the tin bath in the living room. One misdirected jet could put the fire right out.

Discreet knock on the bathroom door to make sure no one’s in there.

Hot Tap
It’s urgent.

Cold Tap
You’ve almost given up hope.

What your heart does when a voice says they’ll be ages yet.

Every morning it features your very own portrait of Dorian Grey.

Wet shaver
Person scared of a razor.

Electric shaver
They’re in a hurry.

Shaving cream
The best shavers in the country.

Shower head
Cleanliness addict.

Shower cap
The leader of a group of shower heads.

Power shower
The Government.

Bathroom cabinet
Headed by the Minister for Cleanliness.

Short segment of a tune you hum in the shower.

Essay on bathrooms by Emile Zola.

He got into one.

Speech by Minister for Cleanliness.

Sunken bath
Can happen when you put too much water in it.

Towel rail
“It’s still wet!”

Unconvincing explanation as to why the towel wasn’t hung out to dry.

Hand towel
Receiving a dry one.

Cold shower
Icelandic government.

Loo brush
Common hazard in smaller bathrooms.

Loo roll
When you’ve brushed against it too hard and fallen over.

Plug hole
How to stop your next door neighbour being a voyeur.

Bath salts
What the navy has to do.

Asking for the bathroom in Spain.

Sometimes the corridor outside the bathroom can get very crowded.

Sorry, we’ll be finished in a minute.


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Not FOR beginners, but BY beginners…

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