Public School

Origins
Rich people created public schools so their children didn’t have to be taught alongside poor people. This is called the Class System.

Boarder
Pupil who uses a train to reach school.

School boater
Showy pupil who decides to arrive by water.

Scholarship
What a boater arrives in.

Eton boating song
Celebrates those who arrive by water.

Quadrangle
Pupils arguing over who’s going to arrive on the off-roader.

Old school tie
Mater needs to buy you a new one.

Old school blazer
Fondly remembered accident in the chemistry lab.

Old school house
Type of hip-hop music.

Fees
Protection money given to the school bully.

Fag
Had behind the bike sheds.

Stowe
What pupils do with their fags.

Marlborough
Lots of fags here.

Rugger
Cry heard when boys are caught behind the bike sheds.

Harrow
What the experience of being caught behind the bike-sheds with a fag does to a pupil.

New Boy
Pupil who is in touch with his feelings.

Prefect
Someone who excels at everything except spelling.

Tom Brown’s Schooldays
Monday to Saturday.

Flashman
Employee designated to wander the school with a torch in case of power cuts.

Form
What masters study in the racing pages during break.

Rugby
They bet on this too.

Tuck shop
Onsite cosmetic surgery. Feature of new, co-educational schools.

Prep
Necessary before the anaesthetic in the tuck shop.

Dormitory
Sedentary right-wing politician. Typical product of public schools.

Speech Day
Once a year public schoolboys are taught to speak like ordinary people. In many cases one day is plainly not enough (see Dormitory).

Conclusion
Public schools have provided most of our top politicians throughout history, and so have made Britain what it is today. But they try to keep that quiet.

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