Early Ikea salesmen. If you didn’t buy their gear, they’d flog you instead. If you still resisted, they’d burn your village. THEN you’d need their ruddy furniture!

How a Viking felt if he hadn’t sold anything.

Horned Helmet
Alternative use for the Skagga salad bowl.

A forerunner of the modern North Sea ferry. Can be carried overland after being disassembled and placed in a flat-pack.

What a seasick Viking does over the side of his longship.

Viking aspirins. Useful after hours of trying to reassemble the longship.

Viking wine bar.

Viking car.

Rune Stones
Viking rock band whose CDs were often found in a Fjords glovebox. Had a big hit with “I Can’t Get No Rattan Hall Runners”.

Entrance corridor in a Viking house.

Area of Northern Britain where cold-calling and door-to-door selling was legal.

Last resort to disassemble the longship.

Putting the longship back together can be noisy.

Battle of Stamford Bridge
When FC Copenhagen supporters arrived to play Chelsea but were so appalled by the lack of bent pine seating that they went on the rampage in the local branch of DFS.

Travel company for retired Vikings keen to revisit their old stomping grounds.

The Viking invasion succeeded because the English ignored defence to queue for hours in a glorified warehouse before going home to spend two days trying to find slat 4B and screw 11F. Only when Alfred the Great disassembled the country (or divided it in two) and threw away the allen key were the Vikings finally repelled.

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Not FOR beginners, but BY beginners…