Nuclear Testing


What you tend to do with the USA if you have bombs and you’re not one of their gang.

What China says North Korea should get if they’re really well behaved and resume discussions.

Four-minute warning
Useful only if you happen to be within four minutes of a nuclear bunker.

If it explodes with a loud bang and kills everyone and everything for hundreds of miles around, it works. That’s if it’s a bomb. If it’s a toaster, you’ve got a problem.

Underground test
Was outlawed very soon after commuters on the Circle Line complained of radiation burns.

Atmospheric test
Accompanied by background music and mood lighting.

Underwater test
Nuclear fishin’.

A bomb.
What it says.

Neutron bomb
Device that doesn’t care who it kills.

Mushroom cloud
Only kills vegetarians.

Wooden box used to transport missiles.

Answer to the question: “So, Kim Jong Il, how many people will your missile affect?”.

Nuclear reaction
“Bloody hell that made me jump!”

Startled person with whiffy trousers.

What the reactor has to wash his underwear in.

Type of person who enjoys testing bombs.

Someone who doesn’t like attending nuclear tests.

What the bunker’s boss gives him when he finds out he hasn’t bothered to turn up.

Noise of a catapult-launched nuclear device. Shortly followed by

Where North Korea puts their bombs. Might as well, there’s no grain to put in them.

Three Mile Island
Was called Seven Mile Island before the nuclear power plant turned itself into a bomb.

Geiger counter
Counts Geigers. Useful if you think you’ve misplaced any.

South Pacific
Nuclear scientist’s favourite musical.

Bikini Atoll
French boffins had an unusual dress code at their test site,

What they used to shout at a bikini-clad woman they didn’t fancy.

The cockroaches take over.

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Not FOR beginners, but BY beginners…