Maps

Atlas
As the first mapmaker, Charles was often weighed down by his work.

Topography
Really good mapmaking.

Star map
Even better mapmaking.

A to Z
An alphabet, not a map.

OS map
Section of an A to Z.

Tropic
Subject of mapmakers’ conversation.

Longitude
Length of a map.

Latitude
Having a trendy coffee while looking at a map.

Map reader
Someone who’s not too bothered about stories.

“You are here”
Generally where you don’t want to be.

Grid reference
Number at the top of an electricity bill. Doesn’t help in finding out where you are.

Survey
Nine out of ten women believe they can reap maps.

Date line
Telling a woman you believe she can read a map in the hope that she’ll go for a drink with you.

Compass point
Being told where the compass is.

Scale map
Directions printed on a fish.

Cartography
The art of carrying large maps around.

Mappa Mundi
Where all the countries are at the start of the week.

Mercator’s projection
That women wouldn’t be able to understand his maps.

Nautical chart
“What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor” is has been number one for 20,000 weeks.

Treasure map
Having a very precious chart.

Street map
Hip, urban map.

Relief map
Diagram of massage parlours.

Road map
Used by Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour.

Conclusion
Giving up after 45 minutes spent trying to fold the thing back up properly.

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