China

Origins
In China, these are called mandarins.

Inventions
The Chinese invented printing and gunpowder, which means people could print newspapers and then the government could shoot them for reading them.

Great Wall
Built to support the Great Roof. This was taken off after the Great Heating Bill arrived.

Space
It is claimed that the wall is visible from space. Curiously, space is also visible from the wall.

Peking
What invaders try to do over the Great Wall.

Chairman Mao
Disabled revolutionary.

Forbidden City
Peking was not wheelchair-accessible.

Great Leap Forward
When Mao accidentally applied his wheelchair’s brakes.

Little Red Book
Full of Chairman Mao’s conquests (eg Mrs Mao, Tibet).

Thoughts of Chairman Mao
“Yippee! I’m leader!”

Yuan
Son of the Chinese prime minister.

Most people
…think China is the most populous nation on Earth.

One-party system
Couples are only allowed one child, which means only one birthday party each year.

Red Guards
Employed to stop families of more than three getting on trains.

Great Hall of the People
Given the number of Chinese, this is very big indeed.

Alphabet
Has 47,000 characters, which means the dictionary can only go on the Great Shelf.

Chopsticks
Chinese national anthem.

Rice Bowl
Beijing sports stadium.

Dim Sum
One and one is three.

Tang Dynasty
Full of mandarins.

Ming Dynasty
Full of ugly people.

Qing Dynasty
Full of swearwords.

Conclusion
20 minutes after reading this Beginners’ Guide, you’ll feel like another.

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Not FOR beginners, but BY beginners…

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