The first modern fashion designer was Mary Queen of Quant, who designed clothes for drivers. Her three-wheeler underpants and convertibles blouses failed to catch on, but her Mini skirt became a global sensation.

Large trousers invented for use by sailors so that girls in port could see them coming. In emergencies they could be lit and thrown up to a great height to attract attention.

Became very trendy in the 1960s when the Beatles released “Please Pleat Me”.

Models walk like cats because they have nine lives and models use a life a year by starving themselves.

Models like to wear fur because they have no body fat.

Jean Paul Gaultier
The French Beatles, with the exception of Ringeau.

Sweat Shop
Asian version of Noel Edmunds Swap Shop. Played to factory workers to break their spirits so they are happy to make clothes for Westerners for 18 hours a day at 3 cents an hour.

Savile Row
A line of shell-suited disc jockeys.

Vivienne Westwood
Famous designer who used safety pins to hold her clothes together after her boyfriend, Malcolm McDowell, came home one night and ripped them up when he found her having sex with Johnny Rotten. The idea caught on and eventually Liz Hurlingham became a global star by wearing only safety pins at the premiere of Four Welders and a Funicular and getting a huge grant to start her career.

Alexander McQueen
The Great Pretender, and son of Mary Queen of Quant.

Donatella Versace
Became famous as a teenage ninja turtle, when she invented the shell-suit.

Haute couture
Clothes for tall people.

Eventually everything comes back into fashion. Except Noel Edmonds.

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