Origins
Jazz came out of the brothels and bordellos of America, which explains its use of blue notes. These were so blue that they had to be censored out, which led to syncopation.

Louis Armstrong
Was nicknamed Satchel-mouth because he ate so many huge biscuits, or King Olivers.

Duke Ellington
Musical nobleman who almost invented the waterproof boot.

Hit me Daddio
When Italian-American jazzers used family members as percussion instruments. They tended not to survive.

Scat
Singer crossing a Musicians’ Union picket-line.

Bird
The jazzman of Alcatraz, Bird Lancaster.

Swing
Music where you swap partners.

The Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B
Always in the mood.

Dizzy Gillespie
Had enormous cheeks, because he used to ‘sit in’ too much in other people’s bands. These took so much of the blood from his brain that he suffered from permanent vertigo.

Miles Davis
Welsh jazz-playing long-distance lorry-driver.

Count Basie
One.

Blue note
Record label that specialised in releasing just the notes censored by other labels. As a result it became more famous for its covers than for its music.

John Dankworth and Cleo Laine
Bandleader married to dog whistle. Cleo has a huge range, thankfully most of it lying beyond the limits of the human ear.

Stranger on the Shore
Asylum seeker.

Free jazz
Music so dreadful they can’t charge for it.

Jazz-fusion
Attempt to harness for the good of humanity all the pointless energy used by jazz musicians in their search for the tune.

Conclusion
Something a lot of jazz fails to arrive at quickly enough.