Pirates

Origins
1750 was the start of piracy. Captain Pugwash was always on 10 minutes before the six o’clock news.

Long John Silver
Treasure found in a pirate’s underpants.

Doubloons
Trousers hiding pirate underpants.

Splicing the main brace
Repairing your doubloons after secreting too much treasure in them.

Scurvy
How pirates like their women.

The Spanish Main
Paella.

Cutlass
Alternative entree favoured by English pirates.

Pieces of eight
Dessert mints.

Galleons
What cheap rum comes in.

Me hearty!
Common medical complaint after too much spanish main and cheap rum.

X marks the spot
Nautical form of acne treatment.

“Arrr!”
Pirate having a spot dealt with.

Wooden leg
Booby prize in a pirating competition.

Pirate radio
Station playing songs by Johnny Kidd, Captain Hook and Maroon 5.

Booty
Beyonce Knowles. Also featured on pirate radio.

Yo-ho-hos
What pirate rappers sing about.

Skull and crossbones
Victoria Beckham. Not on the playlist.

Avast behind
Piratical insult. Also see “Booty”.

Pirates of Penzance
Sailed off with an entire town, which they relocated on Treasure Island. But the locals were unhappy, and nicknamed the place the Black Spot.

Jolly Roger
Piratical way of saying “OK” on the ship’s intercom.

Hornpipe
What pirates amuse themselves with on long sea voyages.

Plunder
Mistake.

Bluebeard
Pirate in cold waters.

Blackbeard
Pirate in dirty waters.

Greybeard
Gandalf. Not a pirate.

Corsair
What pirate beards are made of.

Conclusion
The golden age of piracy ended when their language became so preposterous that their victims failed to take them seriously.

One thought on “Pirates”

  1. yaaahrrrrrrrr arrrrrrrrrrr aaaaaaaarr
    buccaneers either side of ones buccuned

    Like

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