Angling

Purpose
In the absence of business trips and international football matches, early man’s only excuse for spending a whole day away from the cave without having to come back with anything.

Line
What he had to tell early woman.

Rod
Implement named after the first great angler. Unfortunately useless until twine was invented.

Net
Amount of fish caught.

Gross
Things you catch that aren’t fish.

Cast
Social grouping of anglers.

Coarse Fishing
Rude language when you don’t catch anything.

Fly fishing
Unwittingly ensnaring a tiddler whilst swimming in unfastened trousers.

Hook, Line and Sinker
Had hit records with “Twist and Trout”, “You Keep Me Salmon On”, and “Return of the Mackerel”.

Bass
Sang the low notes.

Carp
What anglers do when they don’t catch anything.

Pike
Stupid buoy.

Newts
Fishermen with a bottle-opener.

Roe
Paddling out to retrieve your rod after a mistake during casting.

Hook baiting
Technique developed by Peter Pan.

Fly fishing
Also developed by Peter Pan. Often catches crocodiles.

Reel
Dance performed by anglers who catch something. Not seen very often.

Throwing back
What happens if you actually eat what you’ve caught out of most of Britain’s rivers.

Getting a bite
Reason for not sitting on the grass.

Perch
Sensible alternative to the grass.

Spratt
Someone who does sit on the grass.

Angling Times
Attempting to interest fish in your hook by showing them the day’s headlines.

Compleat Angler
Term of abuse.

Conclusion
Fishermen say a hook through the lip is not painful. Or, at least, fishermen who have never had a hook through their lip say that.

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Not FOR beginners, but BY beginners…

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