First bicycles
The first bicycles didn’t work very well, and were also very cheap. They were known as the ‘horseless horses’ and had to by towed along canal paths by steam engines. A man in front of them was so appalled he waved a white flag.

Penny Farthing
They had one big wheel at the front and a little one at the back, which mean that it felt like you were always cycling uphill (there is no record of anyone being clever enough to turn the machine around so they could freewheel all the way).

Monocycle
Type of bike favoured by posh, short-sighted people. And Chris Eubank.

Tricycle
First attempt at riding a bicycle.

Quad bike
Machine for riding around universities.

Mountain bikes
This is how you get on.

Dismountain bikes
How you get off.

Handlebars
Facial hair worn by people who rode Penny Farthings.

Racing saddle
Nearly successful forerunner of the proctoscope

Pedal
To sell a second-hand bicycle.

Crossbar
If you fall forwards off the seat, your crotch strikes a metal bar, making you very cross.

Chopper
Needed to remove the crossbar.

Puncture repair kit
IQ test for geniuses

Raleigh
Type of bicycle designed by Sir Walter Scott for one-armed sailors.

Skid marks
A cyclist will make these upon realising the brakes have failed while going down a steep hill.