Hastings, Battle of

William the Conqueror
The Arsene Wenger of his day. He managed the Normans, who were the top team in France.

Football
The English leader, Harold was tired because he’d spent the afternoon watching Chelsea play a Scandinavian side in the European Cup at Stamford Bridge and had to rush to meet the Normans.

Norman arch
William lifted his eyebrow in a very Gallic manner when Harold turned up late.

Crossbows
Strange Norman manner of greeting foreigners.

Repelled
Initially, the Normans were taken aback. But they soon got over the fact that Harold was so horrible-looking.

Archers
After a few glasses of this Harold started to look a bit better.

Senlac
Laxative named after actual location of the battle, so named because of the effect massed ranks of Normans had on Harold’s foot soldiers.

Look!
What the man next to Harold shouted when he saw an arrow coming towards them. As the wrong thing to say in the heat of the battle, this ranks alongside General Custer’s “There are no injuns here,”, Field Marshall Haig’s “I’ve got a good idea! You chaps run into that cloud of gas!”, and Lord Cardigan’s “Charge!”

Song of Roland
Europop hit whistled by the Normans during the battle.

Bayeux Tapestry
The event was reenacted so that it could be commemorated in cloth. This meant everyone standing still for eight months.

Battle
Town in East Sussex named after the fight. There was already a Hastings, so it couldn’t be that. They did think about calling it Of.

Battle Abbey
Building society in the town.

Conclusion
Normans 1066, English 0.

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