Jogging is running for walkers.

Dangers of jogging
Looking a pillock to your trophy wife when you faint on the steps of the Elysee Palace.

Warm up
Pre-exercise exercises. So they’re, like, exercises.

Warm down
Post-exercise exercises. So they’re, like, exercises too.

Cross trainer
Runner who has just stepped in dog poo.

Cross country
North Korea. Not much to do with jogging.

Training regime
Dictatorship still at the apprentice stage.

What joggers have to do to avoid dog poo.

Push up
Bra worn by image-conscious female jogger.

Track suits
People who control the jogging business.

Jogging bottoms
What female runners would like to get rid of.

Small vocalist. Not much to do with jogging.

Running shorts
Inadvisable consumption of vodka on the move.

Salespeople trying to get you to buy the latest trainers.

Personal trainer
Shoe that only you wear.

Cushion sole
Inserting a fish to reduce the impact on your ankles.

Air sole
What you’ll get called if you develop a particularly silly running style to impress your trophy wife.

You don’t want people looking at you till you’re properly fit.

Jogger on the police sex-offenders register.

What all the gear will cost you.

Running partner
Spouse who has got fed up with your obsession with exercise.

Joint pain
You can’t have one while you’re running.

Painful condition caused by jogging in a confined space.

Painful condition caused by sewing in a confined space.

First bit of the word “absolutely”. After a run you’re too knackered to manage the rest of long words like this.

The wall
What you lean against, trying to breathe while your eyes begin bulging out on stalks.

Type of pack the painkillers you’ll need come in.

Jogging companion whose job it is to restart your heart when you collapse.

Cartoon jogger.

Jogger from the north of Europe.

Running track
Native American. Related to Running Shoe.

Knee support

Athletes foot
You’ll need two.

Jogger’s nipple
Oil here in the case of chafing.

Run round these.

Ancient city of joggers, eventually overrun by Rome.

Go for the burn
Have a curry afterwards

Second wind
Dietary malfunction. It’s that curry.

After months of strenuous exercise, you find you’re the fittest person in the Paris A&E.

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Not FOR beginners, but BY beginners…