Post, The

Origins
The first letters were carved on stone tablets. With the invention of paper, humans could walk upright at last. Don’t even ask about the envelopes.

St Paul
The first postman. He delivered to the Corinthians, the Romans, and the Ephesians.

Pillar boxes
Early mail depositories found in Ancient Greece and Rome.

Rowland Hill
Steep slope in London on which early postmen often spent a penny.

Penny Black
The first postwoman.

Royal Mail
Armour worn by medieval postmen.

Airmail
Armour worn by medieval pilots.

Chain mail
Suit of armour that has to be posted to several people at once or something awful will happen.

Mail train
Heavily protected locomotive.

Sorting office
Where belligerent postmen settle their differences.

Mail sack
Scrotal condition caused by chafing trousers on a particularly arduous round.

Postal order
Post that letter! Now!!!

Postcards
What a mailman gets on his birthday.

Post round
Drinks bought to celebrate a mailman’s birthday.

Letterbox
Modern mail is now often written in widescreen.

Registered mail
Noticing the post has arrived.

Recorded delivery
Catching the postman on CCTV.

Postman Pat
Being over-friendly with a mailman.

Junk mail
Chinese letters. 20 minutes after you receive one you want another.

Manila envelope
Correspondence from the Philippines.

First-class post
Top-drawer letter writing.

Second-class post
Tends to contain spelling mistakes.

Letter-opener
Dear Sir or Madam.

Missing the post
Faulty aim when inserting a package in a pillarbox.

Penfriend
Befriending a biro is very sad.

Stamp collecting
Painful hobby.

Zip
Can exacerbate mail sack.

The last post
Played at sorting offices every evening.

Conclusion
We remain your obedient servants.

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