Origins
The World Cup began in 1966 when England won it.

Alf Ramsey
England were managed by an incomplete Ramsey.

Manager
Man who understands football. These days you generally find one in charge of Argentina or Germany.

England manager
Man who would like to understand football.

Strip
What England players see the night before an important game.

England striker
Has an uncanny ability to drive blindfold through a farm and avoid every single barn door.

England winger
Plays on the side of the pitch opposite where he plays for his club.

England defender
Says the manager was right to play the winger there.

England goalkeeper
Player who has forgotten his glasses.

Three lions
Unorthodox strike force chosen by England manager at the end of his tether.

National anthem
“All we are saying is give us a goal”.

Kick off
Manoeuvre perfected by David Beckham designed to get himself sent off.

Halfway line
What Maradona did after 45 minutes.

Offside
Rule designed to ensure that English goals against Argentina and Germany can be disallowed.

Cross
General condition of the England manager.

Penalties
Scheme designed to ensure that Argentina and Germany always beat England.

Full time
Designed to end the game just as England are about to equalise against Argentina or Germany.

Blowing the whistle
Admitting the England manager is incompetent.

Header
Normally reads “England lose”.

Linesman
Person who comes up with excuses for the England manager.

E I Addio
Delusional patriot.

Conclusion
When someone loses in the final to Brazil.