Origins
Hundreds of years before Christ, what we now called Turkey was ruled by the Hittites. At least until the Hitharderites arrived.

Phrygians
Also followed the Hittites. Their advanced knowledge of ice production led them to freeze their opponents out.

Ottoman Empire
Chain of ancient furniture shops.

Byzantine Empire
It took ages and heaven knows how many forms just to renew a donkey licence.

Asia Minor
Version of the famous vintage Morris car designed to carry a donkey and a linen-chest in the back seat.

Constantinople
Named after the Roman leader who founded it, the Emperor Constantinople.

Sultanate
Just about anything he could get his hands on.

Caliphate
Everything the Sultan didn’t.

Dardanelles
Turkish pop group famous for tunes like “Crimea River”.

Anatolia
Lead singer of the Dardanelles.

Turkish delight
When the Dardanelles won Eurovision.

Mount Ararat
Turkey is home to history’s first mountaineer. Most of his equipment was out of the Ark.

Ankara
What Noah used to hang on to the top of Mount Ararat.

Sacking of Constantinople
Heavy cloth that was particularly hard to dry.

Whirling Dervish
Drying technique useful for dealing with wet sacking of Constantinople.

Izmir
What a Turkish astronomer says when he spots a Russian space station.

Bazaar
Turkish men’s magazine featuring donkeys in curious predicaments.

Ataturk
Where an Istanbul portrait photographer points his camera.

Conclusion
Turkey has given many things to the world. But not, curiously, turkeys. Like Iceland not giving the world ice, Greenland not giving the world the colour, and Lapland having nothing to do with nightclubs.