Medicine

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Origins
The first person to take any form of medicine was the ancient Greek Asclepius as he used to carry a big stick with a snake coiled around it that kept biting him.

Shot
What the snake eventually was.

Tablets
Medicine God gave to Moses.

Pharmacology
Medicines made from rural areas.

Physiology
Medicines with a widget in them.

Pathology
Medicines made by compulsive liars.

Clinical trials
What the liars face if they’re found out.

Symptoms
Cartoon show about the antics of a family of yellow-coloured chemists from Springfield.

Prescription
Writing on the back of the packet telling you what the pills look like.

Dose
Telling the chemist which pills you want with a stuffy nose.

Course
What the chemist has to pass before they’re allowed to serve anyone.

Allergy
What French chemists receive after passing their exams.

Side effects
Artistic lighting on the chemists shop.

Dissolve
Breaking down in tears when the chemist says they’ve run out of the medicine you need.

Preventative medicine
You should have phoned ahead to check they had some in stock.

Homoeopathic medicine
Taking medicine in your house.

Palliative medicine
Taking medicine in a friends’ house.

Inoculate
Giving medicine to a Dalek.

WHO
Dr that gives medicine to the Dalek.

Tamiflu
Anti-flu treatment favoured by buxom, blonde, American country and western singers.

Cough mixture
Phlegm, nasal mucus and specks of green stuff.

Vaccination
Giving up on the local chemist and going abroad to buy your medicine.

Conclusion
‘Laughter is the best medicine’, so read this guide three times a day after food.

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