Origins
Most modern Spanish people are Iberians. It is unclear why and when they all decided to move to Spain.

Package tour
One theory is that they were on holiday and the company went bust.

Benidorm
Character in Spanish version of Crossroads.

Bilbao
Character in Spanish version of “The Hobbit”.

Barca
His dog.

Juan Carlos
The Spanish national anthem goes “Only Juan Carlos, there’s only Juan Carlos”.

Siesta
Every lunchtime, the Spanish take two hours off work to go home and watch repeats of Rantzen in “That’s Life”.

Bullfighting
The consumer injustices detailed in the programme make them so annoyed they then have to watch men beating up innocent animals.

Matador
Where bullfighters wipe their feet before they enter the arena.

Picador
Any door.

Toreador
Conservative bullfighter.

Labrador
Socialist bullfighter.

Red rag
The Morning Star. Often waved at right-wing bulls to wind them up.

General Franco
Right-wing bull.

Running with the bulls
A curious tendency. Most people would find running away from the bulls a more sensible proposition.

Basque separatists
Female sunbathers who invented the bikini.

Costa
What male sunbathers wear to go swimming.

Costa Brava
A particularly small costa.

Costa Blanca
A white costa designed to show off a tan.

Costa del Sol
Footballer’s swimwear.

Costa del crime
A costa that becomes transparent when wet.

Canary Islands
Islands that fly south for the summer.

Gran Canaria
She’s 86, you know.

Santa Cruz
Boat trip for white-bearded men who haven’t a lot to do for most of the year.

La Palma
Tree.

Conclusion
Most tourists who arrive in Spain are damp. This is because the weather there is so good that any rain has to fall on the plane.