Origins
Folk music is inspired by stories of poor rural peasants. Their pain, anguish and suffering are frequently reflected in the audience’s faces.

Pitch
Singers insert a finger in one ear to maintain the desired key. Audience members insert fingers in both ears to achieve the desired volume.

Jumpers
Warm clothing is used to counter the effects of the cold reception.

Protest song
Petitioning the singer to shut up.

Oral Tradition
It is usual to shout: “Get off!”.

Folk club
Weapon used to shut folk singers up.

Hey Nonny
Often followed by “No!”

Fiddle
Cuban folk singer.

Mandolin
Folk songs sung in Chinese.

Lute
What few folk singers make.

Lyre
Someone claiming to like folk music.

Folk rock
Brick thrown at particularly bad performers.

The Wild Rover
The dogs are driven mad too.

Streets of London
Where many folk singers are forced to ply their trade, often with a can of cider in one hand and a dog end in the other.

Donovan
Mobile Kebab counter at folk festivals.

Steeleye Span
The look the audience gives the folk group.

The Byrds
Horror film where wildlife is driven psycho by Tippi Hedren singing folk music in the shower.

Reel
The amount of beer consumed at folk clubs means performers do this frequently.

Barn dance
After too much beer even the buildings appear to move.

Ceilidh
We absolutely do not believe this is a real word.

Conclusion
In exactly the same way that rave music is only bearable if you are on drugs, folk music is only listenable if you are drunk.