Edinburgh
Capital city and the pride of the Mayoress Miss Jean Brodie who is so old she is known as Old Creaky. Called the Athens of the north, by people who haven’t seen Athens.

Highlands
Place where there’s not much to do but toss the caber.

Tossing the caber
Saps your energy if you do it before a run.

Clans
Scottish seafood

McDonalds and Campbells
Had a battle over territory. One wanted a burger bar and the other a soup kitchen. Eventually Ronald McDonald triumphed over Glen Campbell, who had to move to Phoenix without telling his wife.

Grampians
Caledonian grandparents.

Galloway
Twinned with Baghdad.

Loch Ness
What they have to do every night to stop the monster stealing the water.

Isle of Skye
Scottish remake of I Love Lucy starring Ewan McGregor.

Mullo’Kintyre
Scottish soup invented by Paul McCartney.

1745 Rebellion
A particularly nasty fight in The William Wallis-Simpson public house in a small mountain village when the landlord, a Mr Tam O’Shanter, tried to end the traditional happy-hour at quarter to six. This became known as the Highland Clearance.

Sporran
What Scots frogs do in the spring.

Hogmanay
Money to buy sausages and bacon

The Order of the Thistle
T, H, I…

We’re doomed!
What passes for optimism north of the border.

Conclusion
Tell you Friday morning.