Shoes

Origins
Shoes were invented when women ran out of other things to buy.

Heel
Man who won’t go shoe-shopping with his partner.

Boot
What the man will get if he consistently refuses.

Loafer
Man who reluctantly agrees to go.

Flip-flop
Woman who can’t decide whether to buy Manolos or Jimmy Choos.

Arch support
Supercilious shop assistant who says they both look good.

Cobblers
But he’ll say anything to flog another pair at those prices.

Puss in Boots
They were too tight, and now you’ve got gangrene.

Slingback
You’ve got them off at last.

Kitten heel
You should have looked where you were walking in those stilettos.

Thong sandal
Footwear that pokes up through the top of jeans.

Shoe tree
What some women think they grow on.

Sneakers
Women who claim they are just nipping to the supermarket.

Shoe horn
Men can be excited by footwear too.

Upper
What many people find themselves on after spending too much.

Court shoe
What the addict wears to a bankruptcy hearing.

Moccasin
Heap good footwear.

Running shoe
Made the first pair of moccasins.

Walking boot
His assistant.

Platform
Worn by railway workers.

Snow shoe
Eskimos haven’t made many inroads into the footwear industry due to the inadequacy of their raw materials.

Clog
Wooden shoes popular in Holland for sailing around reclaimed land.

Ballet slipper
Dancer meets banana skin.

Espadrilles
Give some women enough rope…

Steel toecaps
What bankrupt women are forced to do.

Conclusion
A stall at a car boot sale in a desperate attempt to recoup some of the thousands of pounds wasted on unworn shoes.

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One thought on “Shoes”

  1. I think that sums it up – as a shoe addict, I think I qualify to offer an opinion!

    Like

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