Henry VIII

Origins
Henry was from the House of “Tudor”. It had a front door and, unusually, back door. Henry needed a way of getting all his women in and out without them being noticed.

Hello sailor
He invented the Navy so he could be the first man to have a girl in every port.

Catherine of Aragon
Daughter of one the Three Musketeers. Henry divorced her after discovering she was fictional.

Anne Boleyn
Named after the pastime she enjoyed with Sir Francis Drake.

Excommunication
What Henry said to his former queens when they were for the chop.

Summary execution
The weather was fine so lots of people came to see her off.

New girl on the block
How Anne was described.

Jane Seymour
Named after the glasses she adopted once married to Henry. What she saw made her so ill she died.

Anne of Cleves
Henry hadn’t learned his lesson about fictional characters and thought he was getting Anne of Green Gables. He was so upset at the mistake that he got rid of her almost immediately.

Dissolution of the monasteries
Having gone through most of the women in Europe, he thought there might be more hiding under monks habits.

Catherine Howard
A mistake on her birth certificate had led to her surname and forename being transposed. This explains why she fell for Henry’s secretary. And why her head fell off.

Catherine Parr
So average that Henry died of boredom.

Conclusion
Overwhelmed by women, Henry invented the trial separation. He tried them then separated their heads from their bodies.

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