Cars

Tata
The world’s cheapest car. As the name suggests, it’s so reasonably priced because it is built from potatoes.

Stall
Where Tatas are sold.

Breakdown
What you suffer when you get the bill for the first problem.

Shock absorber
Brandy.

Seatbelt
Punching your chair when the car won’t start.

Boot
Kicking it in desperation.

Driver
Hitting it with a golf club doesn’t do any good.

AA
You’re driven to drink. The only place it will drive you.

Saloon
The bar in which you sit despondently.

Estate car
As, across the road, your car becomes a burnt out vehicle with no wheels and smashed windows.

Ignition
Started the fire.

Accelerator
Used to help an estate car burn.

Grille
Could use it as a barbecue.

Runabout
You’ll have to until you buy another car.

Showroom
You may have to take in a lodger to afford a new car though.

Different Models
Scantily clad women used to distract your attention from the lack of ‘as standard’ features.

Bonnet
Headgear for female drivers.

Gearbox
Where a woman keeps her bonnet.

Fanbelt
Found in gearbox. Used to keep trousers up and has “Take That” on the buckle.

Mini
Also found in gearbox.

Speedo
Useful apparel if you are driving to the beach

Clock
Used to check how long you’ve been stuck in a tailback on the Bank Holiday weekend while heading for the beach .

Windscreen wiper
Illegal immigrant.

Air intake
Often heard prior to an accident.

Rear view mirror
Used by female driver worried whether her bum looks big in this car.

Big end
Oh dear. It does.

Soft top
That bonnet again. Wearing it won’t help.

Turbo
Bonnet from a Sikh car

Rear window
Film starring James Stewart. Not much to do with cars.

Automatic transmission
Teleportation. In the future we will no longer need motor vehicles.

Conclusion
On average, each household in Britain has 2.5 cars. The .5 being the burnt out Estate car opposite the pub.

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