Blues, The

Woke up this morning.

Blues scale
Invented by Sonny Boy Richter. One means the singer’s dog is dead. Three means their mother is dead. Seven means they are seriously considering their own demise, and ten means the audience would happily be dead themselves to avoid listening to any more.

Country Blues
What you get when you go to Belgium.

Chicago Blues
You’re in the USA but you have a ticket for Brussels.

12-Bar blues
You’d be singing if you’d been to that many pubs.

The best a bluesman can do after eight bottles of Jack Daniels.

How he feels the morning after eight bottles of Jack Daniels.

What he needs the morning after eight bottles of Jack Daniels.

Muddy Waters
He needs a bath, too.

Blind Lemon Jefferson
Curious name. The implication is that there might somewhere be a seeing lemon.

T-Bone Walker
Car accident featuring a drunk, depressed musician driving into the side of an unsuspecting pedestrian.

Where T-Bone Walker had his accident. He was distracted by seeing the ghost of Noele Gordon.

Howlin’ Wolf
He hit wildlife, too.

Pedal steel guitar
Means of transport for bluesmen who have had their driving licence revoked.

Slide guitar
Means of transport downhill in icy conditions.

Mouth harp
When singers go on and on and on about how their woman has left them, their dog has died, and they are short of the price of a bottle of red-eye.

Blues singers generally are.

Noise a blues singer’s dog makes.

Blues harp
What Robert Johnson plays in heaven.


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Not FOR beginners, but BY beginners…