Origins
Party games were invented when a prehistoric parent found they hadn’t got enough seats in their cave and had to invent Musical Rocks.

Postman’s Knock
Old fashioned. Now they just give you a card saying they tried to kiss you but you were out.

Charades
When postmen claim they really did knock.

Pass the Parcel
Played by postmen’s children.

Musical Chairs
Played by cabinet-makers’ children.

Pin the Tail on the Donkey
Played by vivisectionists’ children.

Blind Man’s Buff
Doesn’t realise he’s come to the party completely naked while everyone else has clothes on. Very cruel.

Paper-Chase
When you open a card at the front door and the wind catches the fiver inside.

Treasure Hunt
It’s landed in the garden somewhere.

Trivial Pursuit
It wasn’t a fiver after all.

Chinese Whispers
In which in five moves “I’d like some trifle” becomes “How much longer are we going to play this stupid game, where’s the cider?”.

Pass the Balloon
Who ate a balloon?

Dressing Up
What the oldest boys do to try to buy cider

Who am I?
Often played after they succeed and everyone’s had a couple of glasses.

Spin the Bottle
Now there’s cider all over the sofa.

Musical Statues
The CD’s playing, they’re all drinking cider, there’s a wet patch on the sofa, and the host’s parents have come in.

Twenty Questions
What the host faces.

Simon Says
It wasn’t him.

Twister
What Simon gets called by everyone else.

I-Spy
Their parents try to find all the illicit cider.

Conclusion
Everyone blames Simon and he gets sent to bed early every night for a week. But doesn’t mind because he’s hidden the cider under his mattress.