Washing machines

Early models
Rocks. Dragon skins, unicorn pelts and so on were wrapped around them and swung round the head. Prehistoric washer-women often had concussion.

Pre-wash
The era before soap.

Leonardo da Vinci
Designed the first washing machine. His drawings suggest it had three funnels, rotating knives and could carry 500 passengers from Venice to Padua in relative comfort.

Spin cycle
Before electricity was discovered, most machines were operated by penny-farthings. In very cheap laundrettes they still are.

Laundrettes
Female vocal group who released “Lipstick on your collar”.

Detergent
Substance that stops men from doing the laundry.

Laundry
Hanging clothes in the garden, on a “laun”.

Delicates
However attractive the proposition, putting your delicates in a washing machine is a bad idea. You should scrub them in the shower like the rest of your body.

Washing powder
What ten pound notes are reduced to after being left in a pocket.

Cold fill
Stuff you try to wash out of handkerchiefs.

Boil wash
Spot cream.

Chinese laundry
20 minutes after doing your washing in one you want to do it again.

Laundry symbols
Currently being worked on by top code-breaking experts at GCHQ.

Mangle
What happens if you ignore the advice about your delicates.

Dried in stains
Clothes-line in West London.

Conclusion
Washing machines mean we are all cleaner than ever before, and in clothes that seem slightly smaller than when we bought them.

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Not FOR beginners, but BY beginners…

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