Tea

Origins
Tea was discovered when the British arrived in India, conquered the place by eleven o’clock and found they were rather thirsty.

Sugar
Way to address one’s partner in the morning to get them to bring you a cuppa.

Honey
Alternative pet name used by Americans.

Sweetener
Offer to do the washing up as a bribe.

Lemon
Partner who refuses to oblige.

Pot
Type of tea drunk in Amsterdam.

Green tea
Made from recycled leaves.

Herbal tea
See Amsterdam.

Mint tea
In tip-top condition.

Strainer
Tea-lady too weak to lift the pot.

Saucer
Person who finds, or “sauces”, leaves.

Clipper
Hairdresser. They always offer you a cup of tea.

Brew
What you say in winter while warming your hands on a mug.

Char
What you do to the bottom of the kettle if you leave it on the gas too long.

Rosie Lee
Tea lady who brewed up wearing little but a G-string and tassels.

Tea cup
In the case of Rosie Lee, double-D.

PG
Rosie Lee is not suitable for drinkers under 16.

Tea caddy
Person with a Thermos following Tiger Woods.

Tea leaf
Person who runs off with your cuppa.

Tea urn
How you spell “turn”.

Tea chest
See Rosie Lee.

Tea cosy
What Rosie Lee wore to go swimming.

Tannin
Enjoying a drink in the sun.

Caffeine
Result of tea going down the wrong way.

Loose tea
Rosie Lee.

Gunpowder tea
Doesn’t half wake you up in the morning.

Conclusion
The pot is cold, the tea is stewed, the biscuits are gone, and… oh, the kettle’s on again. Jolly good!

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