At the first athletics event all of the contestants were naked as it was 776BC, or ‘before clothes’.

Carrier of a fungal disease.

Track event
Held on a railway line. Extremely dangerous though it can improve an athlete’s best time.

Field events
A much safer group of events. Popular disciplines include picnicking, climbing trees and making daisy chains.

Running events
Organising the games.

Throwing events
People deliberately losing.

Jumping events
Channel hopping while watching athletics on TV.

Small road leading to the area where the field events are being held.

First course in the picnic in the field.

Being crap at your event.

Shop where the athlete bought their shorts.

The shorts came with a matching top.

Starting pistol
Beginner’s gun in a shooting event.

High jump
Being surprised by the starting pistol.

Long jump
Taking a while to calm down.

Triple jump
Not getting used to the starting pistol very quickly.

False start
Your teeth fall out because you’re so startled.

Personal best
Making sure one’s appearance is tip-top.

Shot put
Vey difficult golf exercise.

Inspired by an Ancient Greek who ran all the way home after a battle to make sure he could sit through every single event on the television.

Relay race
What television commentators do.

What television pundits do.

Athlon for beginners.

Athlon for satanists.

Tathlon for cool people.

Athlon on board ship.

Darts for extroverts.

Pole vault
Really big safe where they keep all the poles.

It is dangerous standing next to a fellow competitor in the public urinals if you are wearing shorts.

Middle distance
Much safer here.

Long distance
Stop showing off.

Water jump
What you might have to do.

What people who fail drugs tests claim have been put in their drinks.

Sometimes these are spiked.

Better than doubles if you’re racing the next day.

Drugs test
Advisable. You don’t want to take ones that don’t work.

Long-jump pits
Terrible long-jumpers.

Dropping the baton
The conductor in the opening ceremony has to use a biro instead.

Medals table
Horizontal structure traditionally made of wood, though in modern times this can be metal or plastic, raised from the ground by four vertical poles, or ‘legs’, that the medals are put on.

Used to construct the medals table.

Finish line

One thought on “Athletics”

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