People are allowed to drink in pubs at 18, though some begin earlier in the day.
Yard of ale
What you spill as you make your way to your table.
You’ve spilt some on your shirt, too.
You’ve spilt lots on your shirt.
And your trousers.
The trouser upon which you have spilt beer.
What you have to change into now your trousers are soaked.
What you attempt on the barmaid.
What you think the barmaid’s vital statistics are.
What you spin the barmaid.
Or, as the barmaid insists on putting it, “stalker”.
The beer has one. You’ve lost yours.
What happens after you try to chat up the barmaid one too many times.
How you feel about the barmaid.
What you have to do to get back in to your local.
You need the loo.
But you can barley stand, talk or focus.
The tendency of the Earth to attract a falling object was first noted by Newton after he had had a few drinks.
Alcoholic superhero of Gotham City. He helps you up.
What the barmaid has of you.
Gang to which the barmaid tells you her boyfriend belongs.
The golf club which the barmaid’s boyfriend intends to use on you.
Your face if you’re not careful.
As in “ale juss hav one moore”…
The top bit of a pint
What you’re becoming.
Stomach upset from drinking too much beer.
Drinking up time
What you realise alcohol has been doing.
The way you walk home.
On the house
How you support yourself.
The person you try to avoid as you arrive home after 15 pints, unable to be quiet, and unable to find your keys.
You knock gently to be allowed in.
The person who comes to let you in and who you now find strangely attractive.
It takes several days for your landlady to talk to you again.
You blame everything on the dodgy cashew nuts you ate at the bar.