Werner von Braun
Nazi inventor of Werner’s Originals, abducted by the Americans after the Second World War to kickstart their sweet industry.
Sound a Russian spaceman makes when he sneezes inside his helmet.
After the Russians sent a dog and the Americans sent a monkey into space, the Italians planned to send a chicken.
What Italians eat the chicken for.
Sound of a happy Italian astronaut.
The Eagle has landed
It’s after the chicken.
What vegetarian cosmonauts eat.
Catching a bus to the launchpad.
Where it leaves from.
Hello, Houston, we have a problem
You’re a crack addict, you can’t sing any more, and your looks have gone.
What Apollo 13 nearly was.
What space chicken makes you do.
Astronauts have a special bag for this.
One small dancestep for man.
One giant pirouette for mankind.
When the Earth rises over the lunar horizon, reminding those few brave souls who have braved the hazards of space to travel to our only satellite and discover it a dead husk, that our planet is a priceless oasis of habitability in an inhospitable universe, and that we have an obligation to future generations of humanity to stop destroying it with our selfish greed. It’s also quite pretty and makes a nice pic.
What Alexei Leonov said to Moscow when they told him to go for the first spacewalk.
Liberal Democrat politician who looks and sounds like an alien.
Sound an American spaceman makes when he sneezes inside his helmet.
Little green man
Astronaut with travel sickness.
What a sick astronaut takes.
Tricky manoeuvre performed on a toilet in zero gravity after eating a dodgy chicken.
I wouldn’t go in de space toilet for a while.
Home of single, swinging, astronauts.
Cut to accommodate one’s space-helmet.
Important to make sure this is shut.
They’re slightly flared.
“You’re much better than that liquid fuel, you really are.”
Part of the course: “How To Be An Astronaut”.
Chinese space programme
The countdown goes: “I’ll have a number 10, followed by a number three, followed by a number seven…”
European space programme
Run by the French, who plan to put a cheese-eating surrender-monkey into orbit.
British space programme
“The Sky At Night” with Patrick Moore.
Richard Branson plans to go into space if he can find enough rich people to pay. There is a fund-raising page: http://www.sendthesmugannoyingtitintospace.com. The companion page, http://www.bringthesmugannoyingtitbackfromspace.com is not as popular.
Getting to the moon was a race with the Soviet Union. If we want to get to Mars, the Americans need another rival ideology to compete with. So COME ON YOU TALIBAN SPACEMEN!!!