The Bible

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Genesis
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, “Let there be light” and lots of things appeared. How do we know there was nothing if all the lights were off?

Revelation
The Bible isn’t actually written by God. Sorry.

Ezekiel
Israelite sneezing.

Isaiah
There goes another one.

Thesssalllon…
…We’ll come back to that one.

Judges
The panel on Prophet Idol.

Passover
What the judges did to bad acts on Prophet Idol.

Last Judgement
The live final of Prophet Idol.

Abraham
Father of Jews, Christians, and Muslims. He got about a bit.

Moses
Grandma of Jews Christians, and Muslims.

Methuselah
They just can’t stop sneezing.

Letters
The Bible has a lot of these.

Numbers
A lot of these too.

Verses
And a lot of these. No chorus, though.

Ruth
Is stranger than fiction.

Song of Solomon
“Got up in the morning, slaving for breakfast…”

Psalms
The sensitive bit of your hsands.

Flight from Egypt
Maiden journey of El Al.

Thesallonn…
…No, still not sure how to spell it.

Acts of the Apostles
Once Jesus had gone, the disciples had to come up with a new show. Thomas opened with his demonstration of doubting, Luke did a bit of walking on the water, and Peter, Paul, and Mary finished off with their Palestinian chart-toppers.

Cain and Abel
Double act. Often began with the gag: “Take my brother. No, go on, take my brother…”

Samson and Delilah
Another double act. Popularised the catchphrase: “Keep your hair on!”

Jehoshaphat
Had a jumping act.

Magi
Despotic leader who oppressed the Jews by killing the firstborn of union officials, taxing milk and honey, and selling off the camel trains.

Thessalonnin…
…Still doesn’t look right.

Promised Land
Chuck Berry song featured as light relief in the Book of Joshua.

Daniel
Travelling tonight on a plane. Probably the flight from Egypt.

Pilate
Man in the cockpit for the flight from Egypt.

Jude
Took the Song of Solomon and made it better.

Epistles
Internet versions of pistles. Best way for St Paul to stay in touch with the Corinthians, Romans, Thessalon… Thelllasson…. oh, for heavens’s sake…

Hosea
Another sneeze. Bless them.

Jeremiah, Nehemiah, Zachariah, Haggai, Habbakkuk
Various sizes of wine cask.

Hebrew
What goes in the wine cask.

Dead Sea Scrolls
Painful condition contracted by too much swimming in the Dead Sea. Explains Jesus’s preference for walking on the water.

Qumran
The lord is my shepherd. This is one of the commands to his sheepdog.

Conclusion
Thessalonians!!!

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