Afghanistan, war in

afghanistan_soldier-poppy-field

Operation Ensuring Freedom
NATO-led mission ensuring insurgents the freedom to blow up allied troops.

Tragedy
How the Government describes the loss of each British soldier. The government is now responsible for more tragedies than Shakespeare, Seneca, and the entire canon of Greek dramatists combined.

Soviet invasion
In 1979 the Red Army invaded Afghanistan. After ten years they admitted they had failed and left. Gordon Brown is currently working out what they did wrong.

What the Soviets did wrong
They invaded Afghanistan. Gordon Brown will get there eventually…

Taliban
The word in its original Pashto language means “students”. So if Brown wants to really demoralise them he could start charging them top-up fees.

Saudi Arabia
Funded the hard-line mosques out of which the Taliban came. Also gave the world Osama Bin Laden. But we are their friends. Well, think what they’d do if we upset them.

Roadside bombs
Because Gordon Brown won’t give British soldiers enough helicopters, they have to drive everywhere. The Taliban are behaving very unsportingly by trying to blow them up while they do this.

Drones
What the British Government is full of. Its ministers never stop insisting that a) the conflict is winnable b) there are enough soldiers and equipment to do it and c) they are really, really sorry, honest, about every soldier they have sent there that dies.

Choppers
So called because they have been chopped from the list of things the Government will give the Army enough of.

Thin red line
British Army.

Thick yellow streak
British Government.

Defence Minister
Main job is defending Government policy.

Kabul
What the Defence Minister talks.

International forces
Soldiers from all over the world have converged on Afghanistan. A fair proportion of them are even on our side.

Mullah Omar
What the British and Americans are trying and failing to do.

Pakistan
Also engaged in the fight against the Taliban. Except when they’re not.

Afghan economy
Gordon Brown says he wants to create a stable economy in the country. He already has done. It provides 90 per cent of the heroin on British streets.

Hamid Karzai
Appropriate name for the president of a country going down the toilet.

Conclusion
Eventually we will pull out when it becomes obvious that we can’t win in Vietnam. Oh, hang on…

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